I guess I'm not invisible anymore
by when.the.fandom.is.too.strong
Summary: 'I was always just that girl in the background. Just another cadet. That is, until I met him.' . this is my first fanfic . I spent time on this so please read it . o/c is involved
1. Chapter 1

I was always just that girl in the background. Just another cadet. I didn't do well, in fact I was at the bottom of the class. Not because I couldn't do better. But because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I'm not shy, I just want to make friends. Well. I just don't want people to hate me. And in my experience is that if I show my personality and say what I think. Well, no one likes me for who I am, so I just don't show them who I am. In truth I came here just to get away. I ran away from home to come here. Not like anyone back home cared, they were all probably glad I came here, well they might miss their punch bag I suppose. Here nobody hates me or beats me up, but here nobody knows me, and I suppose nobody particularly likes me here ether, but that's ok, as long as they don't hate me. But this, this all changed the day they called me to the office, the day I met him.

I was a frosty morning and I was up early. I was sitting on the porch railing, a crisp breeze pinching at my nose and just thinking about they day of training ahead when a senior officer walked up our dorm and asked me if I knew an Armin Arlert. Of course I do, I know everyone here, I know how well they do in training, I know where they come from, I know who their friends are and I know who their enemies are. I'm not a stalker, its just what comes from silently observing the world.

"Yes," I respond "I do." not sure of how she'll react and if she'll go back and tell the other officers what a creep I am, she shouldn't though, not from me just saying that, right?

"Ok, well could you tell him he is expected in the office in half an hour sharp," she replies "Oh yes, him and Kara Lakestoff."

"Umm ok will do," I respond taken by surprise, I decide I'm definitely not letting her see _**I**_ am Kara Lakestoff, I could ask what's going on even though she probably wont tell me I could read her face, _but she might go back and tell at the other officers how nosy you are_ snipes my lizard voice, but I push it down, "Do you know what its about." I ask nervously,

"Sorry no." she says bluntly but I can see she's lying. In her eyes I think I can see pity, in fact I know I can see pity. Shit. That's when I hits me. They are going to kick us out. Armin was never top of the class either even though he excelled beyond belief in the classroom.

"Ok." I say my face blank as she turns away and I go inside. _No_ , I think, they cant kick me out. I'm not going back, no matter what they say, and I couldn't work in the fields, it would drive me nuts! I'll show them that I'm just holding back, even if it draws attention to myself, I'm not going back. and I may as well save Armin at the same time right? I thought I would have to wait for Armin to get up but as I head in to the common room area I find him there reading. I gulp and tell myself that he cant judge me if just tell him to come to the office right? Or he could and then he could tell the rest of them and then-

"Hey," he says interrupting my thoughts "I didn't think anyone else was up." one part of my brain is telling me that not all human beings are monsters and that he seems nice enough, but then the other part is telling me that _all human beings are animals, well at least they behave like one to me_. He sees I don't respond and then says "You look cold, I could get you a blanket if you want." the rational part of my brain realizes he's nice and that I would have to talk to him anyway.

"No thanks, I'm fine," I respond blankly, but then I realize a little to blankly, "But thanks for offering." I add quickly and smile a smile that I can only hope doesn't look as fake as it is. The lizard part of my brain is telling me to _run, or maybe not as he could judge me for that and tell the others and then-_

"Well, come and sit down then." he smiles and gestures to the seat next to him. His smile does look genuine and not at all like those cruel smiles I used to get back home when they are abut to beat me up, or those fake smiles when they pretend to be your friend so they can stab you in the back. My lizard brain is saying _he could just be a good actor and to dignifiedly walk out but I gulp and try to force that voice out of my mind._ I go over and awkwardly perch on the edge of the bench.

"So umm ," I try. Deep breath "We have to go to the office in half an hour."

"What! Why?" he looks alarmed. I pause to think for a moment. I could lie and say I don't know, he wouldn't see through me, I've had a lot of experience. But it would be better for me if I told him I thought they were going to kick us out so he could help with the argument. My lizard brain chimes in with _but what if your wrong, what if he disagrees and then he tells the others and–_ NO. I wont let that stop me, and anyway, I know I'm right, I always am with things like this. "they aren't gonna-"

"Kick us out?" I interrupt "Yes, they are" oh my god why did I say that, he could hate me for interrupting him or he could have not been about to say that and then tell the others and-

"W-What, no!" oh crap he wasn't gonna say that, no no no, ugh I hate mysel- " We cant let that happen." Phiew I calm down a bit

"I know, that's why I told you, we need a plan, and I have one" So I explain my plan to him,

"It's a great plan I-I couldn't have thought of a better one myself, but I mean its all good you training me but what about you we're being kicked out of this together for a reason," he then blushes and says "Not to question your skills or your fitness or anything but….. I-I'm sorry, forget I ever said that, that was really rude of me, I-I'm sorry. I pause and mentally curse my screaming lizard brain at what I'm about to admit "I-I shouldn't have a problem, if they agree to give us a chance and listen, but I need to know if you would be prepared to work."

"Huh? W-What do u mean?" he says. I grit my teeth bracing myself for the next wave of lizard brain and mentally punch it,

"I-I often hold back in training,"

"What do you mean? Why would you do that?" I feel like I want to cry, I haven't admitted this much this much to anyone, ever, oh well I need this for my plan to work, plus, he'd find out later anyway if my plan works coz well, I cant exactly train him without showing him what I can really do.

"Well I don't like to draw attention to myself so I figured it was the best way to stay out of the limelight. I-I know its stupid but-"

"no, it's ok, your just shy, there's no problem with that, I used to be really shy until I met Mikasa and Eren, but then they managed to bring me out of my shell," He says, I blush looking down thinking, if only I was 'just shy'. "But anyway, your really lucky, I wish I could just, _fake_ being bad." is that resentment (it wasn't I was just being paranoid), no no no no no no. I should have thought of this no no no no no no– but then he smiles and gives a little chuckle, not an evil laugh like they did back home before they shoved me in a closet for three days, all alone, no food or water, I nearly died. I-I think he might be nice, h-he he could be my friend! _Woah there I'm getting way ahead of my myself even if he's nice now, he could change, he will change, remember Lacy?_ No shut up lizard brain. Shut. Up.

"Shut up."

"Oh umm I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to offend you I I I'm sorry I-"

"What?" _Oh my god. I said that out loud. Why here? Of all places. Why now? Shit shit shit shit–_ no I need to rectify this fist,

"Oh I-I'm so sorry I was speaking my thoughts aloud." I said. He looks quite hurt then says,

"Well if you wanted me to shut up you could have just said, I mean-"

"NO!" _OH MY FUCKING GOD I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!_ "NO, please, oh my god, no, I'm sorry," at first it's just a jumble of words but then I pull my self together, "No, really I-I promise that's not what I meant I was talking to myself, to my brain, I I I, no I don't want you to shut up keep talking, please I want you to talk I-" _fuck I'm and idiot why did I say I wanted him to talk he could just think I'm creepy and he could tell every one and–_ and why do I feel something underneath my lizard brain, something telling me I care what _he_

thinks, not just what he

might tell people. I-I care what _he_ thinks of me. No I haven't specifically cared about someone for my whole life, I cant start now especially not now-


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey its ok," he says putting his hand on my leg (why am I so happy about this under my lizard brain telling me to push it off or run) probably misreading the panic on my face, or maybe he's not misreading it who knows? "I do it often to, sometimes I'm thinking something and I just blurt it out of my mouth, everyone does it occasionally." _yeah occasionally_ I think.

"I– yeah thanks I mean-" and then we make eye contact, his eyes are a beautiful crystal blue, I could stare at them forever, they're so beautiful they should put them in a museum and– wtf oh my goy why am I thinking about putting eyeballs in a museum and _why am I even making eye contact, I haven't made eye contact with anyone for about 6 years, and the last time I looked one of them in they eyes they nearly tore out my eyes, I was blind for about a week–_ but he isn't one of them, he is as far from one of them as you can get. I hear the door creak open and I tear my gaze away, it's a girl named Hannah

"Hey is there any chance either of you have seen Frans– oh sorry did I interrupt something." She giggles and his hand shoots off my leg, my face is burning and I cant take my eyes off the floor, I think his face is the same, is that good, is that bad? And at the time I didn't even contemplate why she would be looking for he boyfriend in here when he hates it in in here and only comes in here when she's in here, which is unusual for me.

"Umm no and I haven't seen him sorry." Armin says, I can tell he's embarrassed by the sound of his voice,

"Me neither," my guard instantly back up and my lizard brain kicking in, _what if she tells everyone,_ or maybe I wouldn't mind that. _Yes I would omfg!_ "We should get going, we don't want to be late." I mumble and he hurriedly agrees. We step out side and the cold air hits us like a bucket of ice,

"Well what a pleasant way to wake up," I realize it must be much worse for him as he hasn't already been outside to day. "Couldn't have gently shaken me awake and offered me hot chocolate." he mumbles. And I realise for once in my life I am actually smiling, properly, not a fake smile, a proper smile. I suddenly realize Armin left his jacket behind. Without thinking I take mine off, what's the worst that could happen? I tell my lizard brain, _he could reject it and think your babying him, or you could drop it and the wind could blow it in his face and then he'd be pissed or it could blow into the distance and then you'd never get it back and he would laugh then tell everyone the reason you don't have your jacket is you're a clumsy shit and-_ "Oh, no, its fine, but thanks, that's not what I meant, I wasn't asking for your jacket." he says,

"I know, but I don't need it, I was out side earlier, so it's less cold for me." I respond,

"But you'd still be cold, please, I-," he pauses and then seems to decide on something "I don't want you to be cold." _what does this mean is he trying to trick me into being his friend? I know he will stab me in the back in the end, like every other 'friend' I never had._ No he-he cares about me? Well about me being cold.

"Well I don't want you to be cold either," and I put my coat over his shoulders. What is wrong with me I went from never talking to anyone, and barley being able to say a word to him to fricking forcing my jacket on him, what has gotten onto me? He looks shyly at me and then pulls it on properly,

"Thanks," he says with a shy smile, "Not many people would have done that for me." I don't even know what to think anymore so I just switch my brain off and smile shyly, second smile today, oh my-

"Names." I look up to see a the senior officer from earlier. Shit. We instinctively put our fists to our left chests,

"Armin Arlert, Miss" he tells her,

"Oh so your Kara Lakestoff," she looks at me accusingly, "Could've told me earlier," Armin looks confused at this but says nothing

"I didn't deem it necessary to waste your time telling you this, Miss" I answer crossing my fingers,

Oh but you deemed it necessary to waste my time asking me what they want from you, that's prying into senior business you know, I could report you." _They're definitely gonna kick you out now, you'll have to go back–_

"She was just curious Miss, I'm sure she didn't mean to pry, Miss." Armin stands in front of me as if to protect me. Oh my god right now I want to kiss him, I wanted to kiss him earlier, I wanted to kiss him this whole time actually. _No, shut up, what am I thinking, he's just as bad as them, he'll turn on me one day he-_

"Fine, whatever, you and your girlfriend will be working in the fields together before long anyway." At this comment we both go red and look at the ground, I notice he doesn't contradict her though. No I'm just getting ahead of myself. We hurry in before she changes her mind and he doesn't even ask what that was about. We start the long climb up to the top of the stairs where commander Sadis's office is. When we get to the top Armin is out of breath though he try's not to show it, if the plan works I'm gonna have a tough job. We go up to the door and he knocks. A booming voice from inside shouts,

"COME IN." even though he is in front of me Armin opens the door for me and lets me go through first, I thought all boys had forgotten how to be gentlemen. I smile at him (three smiles now:)) and he smiles back. "I DON'T LIKE TO SIT AROUND CHATTING SO I'M GOING TO GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. YOU TWO ARE THE WORST ON THE COURSE AND WOULD PROBABLY SHIT YOUR PANTS IF YOU SAW A TITAN UP CLOSE SO I'M CHUCKING YOU OFF THE COURSE, YOU CAN GO WITH THE DROPOUTS THIS EVENING. DISMISSED."

"With all due respect sir, no." I say, my heart is pounding and I'm visibly sweating, my lizard brain hates me so much it feels like it's a tortoise and I just want to retreat into a shell and never come out. Kind if like how I did, how I was before this morning.

"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?" Commander Sadis shakes me out of my thoughts

"I mean sir, that me and Armin aren't going down without a fight." I soldier on ignoring my new tortoise brain.

"We are prepared to leave quietly and defeated if you give us one more chance sir," Armin says stepping forwards "And we're not leaving till then." I see his fist clenched tightly to his chest and I realise that mine is to. Commander Sadis looks like he's considering it. Then he looks at me.

"You could go far," he says, not shouting for once "I didn't before but I can now see you have potential as I'm guessing this was your idea, he would have just given in." He says gesturing at Armin

"With all due respect sir, Armin would have come up with this if I didn't sir, you underestimate him." I say feeling Armin's astonished gaze on me

"Is that so," the commander replies " I will give you one month, you will be excused from normal training to go off on your own, if you are both not in the top 50 cadets you will _both_ be chucked from the course, even if one of you is in the top 10 and one of you is 51st you will be chucked. UNDERSTAND?

"YES SIR!" We shout in unison and run out before he can change his mind.

 **~AN/The other characters will come in in later chapters~**


	3. Chapter 3

"That was bloody amazing!" says Armin. "You're a genius!" I bush and look at the floor, I'm not used to getting complements so I don't know how to react, in fact I don't think anyone has ever complimented me in my life, my mum always took great pleasure in telling me the first words I ever heard were " _god its so ugly"._ I don't know what to say so I quietly mumble,

"Thanks," as a small smile creeps across my face, (Smile count: 4) but he cant see because I'm still blushing and looking at the floor. (I know the idea of counting how many times you smile might seem stupid to you but for a girl who's never smiled properly in her life, well this is a big deal for me). We walk in silence for a bit which gives my lizard/tortoise brain time to recover, but I'm still glancing at him sneakily ever now and then to check if he's looking at me. I caught him looking once and we both went bright red and looked at the floor. I don't know how I feel about Armin, my rational brain says he's a really nice guy but my lizard brain says he's evil, still my lizard brain says everyone is evil. We get into a clearing with some tree stumps to sit on so I suggest we sit down for a bit. I have become a lot

more comfortable with Armin today, so I can talk to him a little bit before my lizard brain panics, that's how it works, it trusts friends, but give me a stranger and I panic. "So, I-I need to talk to you about something." I don't know why I'm stuttering, it's not my lizard brain,

"Ok, sure." He says. He's sitting across from me on the tree stump opposite,

"I-I, I ha-," I was going to tell him, it would just make this all a lot easier, training him I mean, but I couldn't do it. My lizard brain sprang into action and stopped me. _Kara what the hell are you doing you only properly met this guy this morning, you cant seriously tell him even if he's a good guy_ (well at least me and my lizard brain agree on something) _remember what happened when they found out last time, those years of pain, all because you were better than them. You aren't ready to share those memories yet, plus he might be put off or intimidated or–_ it was that last comment that tipped me over the edge though, I don't know why, or maybe I do, I'm just not ready to admit it. Before can stop it a tear slides down my cheek. And before I know it he's there, with his arms around me, siting next to me on the tree stump. It's the most amazing feeling but I'm still crying, sobbing into his shoulder.

"It's ok, you don't have to tell me yet, we all have those things we'd prefer to stay hidden."

"Yes," I sob into his shoulder "Yes."

I don't know how long we were there for but we hear the dinner bell ring and decide to head in. I lift my head off his chest and unceremoniously sniff.

"I-I'm s-sorry." I sniff,

"What for?" he askes with his arms still around me,

"Your t-shirts all soggy now." I say looking up into his eyes (eye contact count:2). He then burst out laughing until tears were streaming down his face too. I think he's happy, I mean he's laughing, but I've never seen someone laugh so hard they cry. And even though I don't fully know why he's laughing, I start to giggle to, and then I'm laughing, for the first time in my life, well that's what it feels like.

 **~AN/ sorry short chapter~**


	4. Chapter 4

Once we make it back I don't know what to do, do I just go and sit in my corner or do I go and sit with him, I know he wont mind, but will his friends and will _I_ be able to cope? I don't know what to do so I decide to get my soup and I go to sit in my corner when Armin calls my name and gestures for me to come and sit with him. I really want to but my lizard brain says _you don't know who they are they might exploit you, or try to blackmail you into doing something._ No. I tell my lizard brain if their friends of Armin they must be good people right? Its funny, I think as I nervously walk over, yesterday I would never have done this, but Armin brings out a side in which no one, including me, has ever seen. I take the seat he is patting next to him.

"So who's your girlfriend Armin?" Teases Erin Jeager from across the table. I swear, how many people are gonna assume that. Then Connie Springer then joins in,

"So she's who you were with all day," he raises an eyebrow "No wonder you were out all day." I think I must be redder than the bloody soup because Krista Lenz steps in and acts like a god damn goddess,

"Guys stop, cant you see how embarrassed they are," she gives me a friendly wave and a big grin, I don't understand how people can just smile so freely like that, like it's nothing, "Hi I'm Krista, I think I'm in your dorm but we never really spoke."

"Hi, I'm Karla," I manage to say. My lizard brain is in overdrive, the only reason I'm still here is coz I can feel Armin's shoulder touching mine. I'm so panicked I don't eat anything apart from a few mouthfuls of soup. I just sit there pretending to follow the conversation, who knows, if I sit here tomorrow then maybe I could actually listen.

"So why are you here then Kara?" Crap what do I say, it will be obvious if I lie, even though I'm a good liar.

"To get away from what I left behind," I say looking down, they are all silent for a moment and this is when my lizard brain goes into fucking overdrive. I sit there trying to keep it all in, but it wont stay. Instead of running like I usually would, a single tear slides down my cheek and into my soup. Great, so is crying going to become my new running away? Armin reaches down and squeezes my hand, his hand stays on mine. I think the others notice, but they don't say anything. Thankfully no more tears come.

"You're a pretty tough girl, I've never seen you cry before," Mikasa finally speaks "It's bad what you're running from isn't it?" I nod, still looking down,

"Very," I pause and they say something else even though my lizard brain is screaming at me not to, "But whilst my life was corrupt, others weren't, until the titans broke the wall. So I blame the titans, for making others feel the same pain as me, and no one deserves that, no one, so that's why I'm going to kill every titan in my path, and that's why I fought so hard today." I say this all very quietly so only the people at our table can hear, and even though my lizard brain is screaming at me that they'll think I'm crazy, and even my logical brain says I shouldn't have said it I'm glad I did. Sasha breaks the silence with,

"So are you gonna finish your soup or not?" Well at least I'm not as crazy as Sasha is about food.

"You have it, I say pushing my bowl towards her, but before it can get to her Armin puts his arm out to stop it. Sasha looks furious.

"Are you sure, you need to eat." He says to me.

"It's fine." I say with a small smile (smile count 5:)) because now I know he cares.

"Wait what do you mean, 'you fought so hard today'?" askes Eren, oh yes, they don't know about us being almost kicked out.

"What happened? She was bloody amazing." Armin launches into to the story, making sure to play up everything I did, I notice though, he leaves out the bit about me playing it down with my training, he noticed it was hard for me to say. I blush despite myself. When he is finished the others look like they have their doubts,

"I'll help." Mikasa says

"Me to." adds Erin. It's nice of them to offer, and I suppose I might let them help at some point, but not for now.

"No thanks," I say quietly, "I got this." They look at Armin with their eyebrows raised, it hurts me to think how much they doubt me, but I don't blame them though, this is their best friend they're worried about.

We are getting up as we had finished and we were heading for the common room area when Jean Kristen appeared in front of me,

"Hey, you knew around here?" he says smoothing back his hair,

"No," I state bluntly, I know this guy is trouble, but then I have a plan, I need to convince them that I wont let Armin fail "Why?"

"I'd like to 'talk' to you for a bit, alone."

"OK." I say playing the naïve game. Armin puts his hand on my arm and gives me a warning look. I give him a mischievous grin (smile count 6:)) and as I anticipated Jean drags me into the nearby storage cupboard, he then sticks his head out to say.

"Hey Armin I hope you don't mind me stealing your girl do you, I cant hep but go a little red at that but is dark so I don't think he saw, he gives a wicked smile, he's just like the guys back home. He brings his head in and starts to undress, I don't look down, I'm not a pervert. "well, what are you waiting for he says looking at me, I act like I'm about to take my shirt off and he locks the door.

"No No," I say winking and I unlock the door, "YOU SAID YOU JUST WANTED TO TALK!" I shout punching him as hard as I could as just opening the door at the right moment. So he fell into the hallway. Stark, Bloody, naked. Krista and Sasha blush and cover their faces while Mikasa looks away. I step over him (looking deliberately upwards)

and re-join the others, they just stare at me in awe, "What? He deserved it." I say. And all this time, the lizard brain wasn't there, even though I just thought about it, its not here.

"You," says Eren coming to stand behind me, "Are a fucking badass."

"Wow, I did not think anyone would have the guts do that," says Armin who's next to me I look up ay him to see if he thinks it was the right thing to do, and he's grinning like a madman.

"So do we just leave him here unconscious?" Asks Sasha giggling a bit

"I guess so." says Connie grinning at her, so we continue to the common room leaving him there for someone else to find.


End file.
